By Chris Boline

Graduating from college is a feat in of itself, but doing it under grueling practice schedules and with the glare of the media spotlight on you is much more difficult.

To all the new members of the Nevada alumni group, congrats, but to the Wolf Pack student-athletes I tip my hat to you as well.

Of course, many of the top-flight athletes from football, basketball or baseball will want to play in the highest level of their respective field like their counterparts in the corporate world. However, sometimes the best laid plans don’t come together. If their professional sports aspirations don’t pan out, here are my picks for the eventual career paths for these former Nevada stars based on my experiences with them, their bios on nevadawolfpack.com and finally, which quote from a 1980’s or early 1990’s movie best describes them.

DEONTE BURTON (BASKETBALL) – NBA DRAFT TO AND #1 MIXTAPE: 

Possibly the most polarizing character of this semester’s list of graduates, Burton has the raw ability and talent that many NBA scouts will drool over. Although he could use his degree for other purposes, the most cost-efficient strategy for Burton would be destroy other would-be hoop stars in any pick-up game around the country in the name of the Wolf Pack.

Quote: “You either smoke or you get smoked.” Sidney Deane in “White Men Can’t Jump (1992)

JOEL BITONIO (FOOTBALL) – NFL DRAFT PICK TO STOCKBROKER: 

Bitonio never struck me as a guy who was going to solely rely on his physical gifts and let his mind go to waste. In response to a question about his educational values, he stated that leaving college without a degree was never an option. While the Wolf Pack offensive lineman did technically graduate with his degree in economics in the winter, he is the most high-profile recent graduate and was pegged recently by Sports Illustrated to be picked up in the second round of the draft. However, Bitonio is aware that the NFL does sometime stand for “not for long,” and with that being said, he has the ability to become the most intimidating financial guru since Jordan Belfort. At six-foot-four and 302 pounds, not only could the former Wolf Pack offensive tackle hold his end down, but he could move some things around (metaphorically and physically).

Quote: “You had what it took to get into my office; the real question is whether you got what it takes to stay.” Gordon Gekko in “Wall Street” (1987)

SAM DIAZ (CROSS COUNTRY/TRACK & FIELD) – FOREST RANGER: 

As one of the most decorated runners in the history of Nevada cross country or track, Diaz will look to continue her path of running through woodland trails for miles on end. Graduating with a degree in a scientific background will only look to bolster Diaz’s resume as she looks to stop evil-doers from destroying the rich forests around the area. What might even be more terrifying is not the thought of the school record-holder breaking up environmental conspiracy rings, but rather beating up high school kids smoking joints in the shrubbery of a nearby national park. Diaz plays by her own rules.

Quote: “Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they’re gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin’ man, L-I-V-I-N.” David Wooderson in “Dazed in Confused” (1993)

JERRY EVANS (BASKETBALL) – SHOE LIAISON TO THE STARS: 

After being voted as the best defender of this year’s Wolf Pack basketball team, Evans will take his talents to South Beach, Long Beach and possibly some other beaches around the country as a shoe specialist. Although he could pursue a career in more mild-mannered professions, Evans will turn to his life-long passion for sneakers to become his livelihood in the future.

Quote: “Is it the shoes? It’s the shoes then right? What about the shoes? Money, it’s gotta be the shoes!” Mars Blackmon in “She’s Gotta Have It” (1986)

BROOKS KLEIN (BASEBALL) – YOGA INSTRUCTOR: 

I’ve spoken to Klein a handful of times, and while we did list him in an edition of last year’s Sagebrush as one of the more eccentric baseball players (jokingly stating that Klein used to bathe in the blood of small animals) he is a very quiet person. Klein has a certain yin and yang to his personality, and this will lend itself in spades. Not only can the former top-hitter for the Wolf Pack become a mellow masseuse for his future classes, but he can also turn on the intensity if there needs to be an extra level of danger inside of the yoga room.

Quote: “To survive war, you gotta become war.” John Rambo in “First Blood” (1982)

Now with finals right upon us, I offer my favorite quote from “Lethal Weapon” to sum up my feelings on the matter: “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Chris Boline can be reached at cboline@nevadsagebrush.unr.edu.