The day filled with love and kisses should  fuel your appetite for self-empowerment. That’s right, I said it. I won’t be spending this Valentine’s Day with a significant other. I’ll be spending it with friends. People get caught up in this whirlwind of self-doubt and pity when they see other people in love or dating. The truth is we’ll always want what we can’t have. It’s easy to want love we see in others; however, maybe we should focus on appreciating the love we have for ourselves.

First off, calm down please; the world isn’t going to end if you aren’t with anyone right now. And second, be happy you have some time alone to get to know yourself. I’m going to drop some knowledge on you: my mom taught me that you need to think highly yourself before you can think highly of someone else, and dedicate time to them that you should have given to yourself in the first place.

This message especially goes out to those people who deem themselves a “relationship person.” Give yourself a break and get to know yourself. Find out who you really are and take advantage of this new found freedom. It may be hard at first, but you’ll find that it’s much easier to get acquainted with yourself rather than a new stranger in your life.

Everywhere you look it appears people are ending relationships. Sometimes people grow apart, some succumb to infidelity and others draw a mutual conclusion that they want to explore other avenues in their life. The common reason that I’ve been witnessing is, “I want to work on myself and dating you is impeding that work.” Some people may call bullshit because they’re too blinded by their own heartache, but it may be the truth.

Think about it. How can you 100 percent focus on yourself if someone is constantly needing your attention? You can’t, unless you are already fully content in your own well-being. If you or someone you know has experienced self-doubt while being in a relationship, then you know it can be a full-fledged shit show or be the most peaceful thing to happen since the opening of Roberto’s last week.

When someone tells you they want to work on themselves, let them work on themselves. Don’t try and stop them or ridicule their urge for self betterment. If the person really wants to be with you, you guys can work on it in the future. But for right now, don’t ever put someone down for wanting to invest time in themselves and fulfill their ideals on what being a better person is.

Do not put yourself down or throw your mind in the blender of thoughts. Stop thinking about the what ifs and what could have beens. You should be feeling more empowered than ever to be the captain of your life. Don’t be a Negative Nancy, because if you are, then even though you’re the captain of your own life, you will be too worried about the storm that hasn’t even hit ship yet.

Take the storm on when it gets here, and stop trying to control things that are clearly out of your hands. There’s no stringent remedy I can give you about how to better yourself, or how to initiate a self-empowered life. You have to figure that out on your own. Some people turn to new jobs or hobbies, some take a more physical approach and hit the gym like Rambo, but to each their own. Figure it out, and when you do, give yourself a pat on the back because some people can’t even get that far.

This Valentine’s Day may be a solo one, but just take into account how rewarding it is to reach the goals you’ve set for yourself and how much better you’ll know yourself by investing time and love and applying it to your life. Be single. Be brave. Be disciplined. Remember, someone is waiting for you out there, you just haven’t met them yet. Cheers.

Terrance Bynum studies journalism. He can be reached at or on Twitter @TerranceJBynum.