Photo illustration by Breanna Denney
Unless you’re the type of person who ignores social media, you know about the phenomenon that has swept our world: Snapchat. The tool that allows you to send videos, pictures and maybe a risque photo or two has become a central part of social media conversation with nearly 400 million snaps sent per day. However, along with any popular social media platform comes the people who just seem to use it in the most annoying way possible.
We all know that guy who opens your snaps but won’t text you back. There’s also the person who sends you the one-second snaps, which clearly achieve nothing. With that said, those pale in comparison to the following categories of people that really grind my Snapchat gears:
THE CONCERT VIDEOGRAPHER
Congratulations, you limited your happy hour shenanigans enough this year to afford a ticket to Coachella. You are so excited to see your favorite band that you will make sure every single one of your friends sees them too by throwing that up on your Snapchat story. Guess what — literally everyone hates your story. I know it seems like people watched it because of the high number next to that little green eye, but I can guarantee you that people just tapped through it, hoping you posted something other than the incomprehensible blasting bass.
Not only is the quality of sound a literal cacophony of terrible noise, but your camera is also nowhere near the quality you need to really capture the moment. You may see beautiful lights pouring over a sea of concertgoers, but all your followers see is nothing more than what appears to be a strobe light, causing near seizures every time somebody taps your name.
And on top of how terrible the quality of the snap is, you’re probably annoying any person standing directly behind you. Just because the person in front of you thinks you’d rather see their LED screen than the actual performers, doesn’t mean you have to think that way too.
THE CHRONIC SELFIE TAKER
We all take selfies — admit it, you do. I, for one, am definitely guilty of snapping a few pictures of my ugly mug from time to time, but there is nothing worse than a person who just doesn’t know when to stop. Chances are, if a person is following you on Snapchat, they’ve seen your face enough. Unless you’re trying to show off a new haircut or the number of chins you can create by simply looking down, then you’re wasting everybody’s time by uploading an endless chain of selfies to your story.
At this point in social media history, we’ve all moved past Facebook statuses or tweets that say, “just woke up,” or “walking to class,” so why do you insist that people suddenly care about it on Snapchat? Beyond that, if you’re really trying to capture an epic moment, I’m sure your users will be able to see it better absent your face smiling in the foreground.
I get it — selfies can be fun at times, but before you upload that snap, ask yourself: do people really care about what my face is doing right now? Will anyone actually let the photo last the entire length of its post? And finally, am I even attractive enough to be taking yet another selfie?
THE NEVER-ENDING STORY … AND NOT THE COOL ONE
In a world where social media tells us that our lives should be shared at all times, I’m here to tell you that you’re probably not as interesting as you think. Unless you are hanging out with Beyoncé and riding flying Pegasus on your way to Mars, chances are people don’t want to watch your 100+ second story — hell, you might still be pushing it even in that situation.
If you are that person, you should constantly remind yourself of the last time you were excited to watch a story that lasted that long; chances are, probably never. While it may be true that your followers can just choose not to watch, you will still fall victim to plenty of eye-rolls and, most likely, the loss of viewers. Keep your snaps short and to the point because, who knows, maybe you will end up on Pegasus with Beyoncé one day, but nobody will see it if they’re all tired of seeing your stories to begin with.
Daniel Coffey studies journalism. He can be reached at dcoffey@sagebrush.unr.edu and on Twitter @TheSagebrush.
