By Anneliese Hucal

No doubt the turn-up was real with our most recent four-day weekend (because, honestly, what non-freshman has class on Friday?). I want to congratulate you all for surviving your first few college parties this year and tell you that this week, the Health Center is your new best friend.

Go get tested and pick up some free condoms now that you know what happens when you drink tequila.

I’ve been around the drinking scene long enough to know that there are parties and then there are blackouts. I am here to tell you about the best and worst type of blackout event you will ever attend in college: the party bus. I experienced my very first party bus the week before school started and it was a doozy.

Let’s just say the night was a major league shit-show involving a stolen stop sign and a sex columnist with two cracked ribs. I’ll spare you most of the dirty details, but I will tell you there are a few things I wish I had known before I stepped onto the inebriation machine. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20, especially when you wake up in a champagne-soaked dress 4 miles away from your car with no money to call a cab.

My job is to help you know your limits and keep yourself safe. Here are a few helpful hints so that you can make the most of your experience while also knowing your limits.


There is a difference between a real pole dance and that weird thing you’re doing. Take it from someone who began taking pole fitness classes a month ago: it’s not an easy thing to do, especially if you’re on a bus and the floor is shaking. If you can’t do it right, you can still play on it. The old hold-on-and-shimmy thing is far better than trying to spin and landing in the lap of a drunk guy who spills his drink on you.


Party buses are a self-contained bar on wheels where everyone brings their own liquor. This means that you will be offered plenty of drinks within a short window of time and instead of casually sipping through a straw you will be taking large gulps while trying to stay balanced on a moving vehicle.

I specifically remember my first three shots of tequila followed by some vodka and a bit of champagne. Things got hazy once the absinthe arrived. Word to the wise: Don’t drink absinthe. Not a single good thing comes from drinking absinthe, especially if it’s from a flask kept in some girl’s bra.


Do you remember in seventh grade science class when we talked about inertia? This lesson will never be more relevant than when you are on a party bus and the driver slows down suddenly. The best way to keep yourself standing upright is to stay sober, but that may not always happen. If you are drunk, I suggest holding onto something because you will fall if you don’t. With that being said, ladies, be conscious of your attire. Don’t wear a skirt that will show your booty when you bend a bit and don’t wear stilettos. You will break your face and your pride.


Don’t use your cellphone. Keep it with you so that you don’t get stranded when the bus driver decides to announce the end of his shift, but don’t use it while you are with your new friends on the ride of your life. You will be all too tempted to drunk dial someone and more than likely, you’ll regret leaving them a 2 a.m. voicemail. Snapchat and Instagram should wait because broadcasting the debauchery is just unfair to those involved. Keep your phone in your pocket or in a purse.

The best and worst part about a party bus is the fact that you are crammed into a tiny space with a number of other inebriated people. You will, by proximity alone, be forced to make new friends. Embrace these connections and enjoy the adventure. Always be on the lookout for each other as you hop from location to location on the bus. At the end of the night, make sure that they are also going home safely. Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.

If you follow these few simple rules, you will be well on your way to having the ride of your life, while still keeping yourself safe and sane. Cheers!

Anneliese Hucal studies public relations and prelaw. She can be reached at